Chapter 39:Huge discovery

I think I don't really like the people who are similar to me.

Now don't go extreme right. It's just a thought and don't like doesn't mean I am hating them, it's more like not being in their company.

So I understand how I work, and this is the personality I had before COVID and around COVID, not the present me which is just a small derivative of it but I do think it was not good for both of us.

I was a nextrovert or forced through the notion to become an extrovert, I was really into people pleasing. As I mentioned earlier my way of representation was weird because I am still a bit weird! So I am or was a very meticulous when it comes to memory and words as well as miser. I might still be a miser but you won't know that because I will decline any opportunity you can have with me where there maybe slight discomfort or awkwardness related to purchasing. I know this isn't really good and I can't even do anything about these situations, but I am who I am, and most of the time the people I have met had higher spending pocket and habit which was completely different from how I grew up. 

So just to help you out, I discover 2 things today about me, how being miser could affect me and how I think I would not like the person who I was earlier. 

Continuing on the miser concept, I believe these situations can't be avoided, but to give you an idea of who I am, I am someone who will just pay for what I used or was bought for me, in short I will only be responsible for me. Now its somewhat doable in duo. If I am with a single person, it's somewhat easy to direct conversation or the habit of being miser, I can just be a little faster and just signify with my action that I am paying for myself you have to pay for yours. But I have seen this very common thing, for ease when people are in group or duo tend to do one stop purchase and then splitting the prices later, which is good if they do, but sometimes they don't and I find it uncomfortable. 

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy free stuffs, bit there is a condition attached to it that, when I having that free stuff, it should be mentioned there that's it's free or called out, if their is ambiguity or no difference in our age group... I may not take on that offer. 

I mean there is just so much moral learnings now I have to display so that you can understand where I am coming from.

Now from the movies and surrounding I have learnt that, 

A when someone elder is paying or giving I don't necessarily need to deny them, now this is very boarder scene but it's only when you know there won't be any foul thoughts behind that. Because I don't think I would ate a candy by any strange uncle or Bhaia.... And that's also the reason why I won't really accept anything any strange or let's say person I met for the first time... But earlier I just trusted every single person out there. 

So if I know you from long time or have enough credibility about you, I would accept anything free from you if you were elder. I mean just clarifying that, as you are conditioned to give something to younger people I don't know for what reason or maybe as a form of blessing or simply giving fortune although I won't be doing that ( maybe I might change again and do it, I don't know what it feels like to be elder) but I will gladly accept your thoughts or gift generously. 

2nd thing I learnt was everything has a reaction, so God knows when someone will come and ask you back for what they did for you. So this is just a personal experience and it was awkward, but I got through that and learnt the valueable lesson very early in life Well you can add that too the triggering concept too I mean it was not really cool to experience that as a child but it was truth and that child understood it and came over it. 

So I only accept anything only when it's guaranteed that there won't be any repercussions or I am able to pay back. It was huge mark in life and its still deep inside me that I didn't knew until the time I wrote about it. 

So now I think you may understand where my reasoning is coming from, oh and yes I am miser by choice and also the reflection of how I am or I will be living my life most of time as I do believe in minimalistic life and its quite cheaper to live like that and that's a smart and good choice. 

So coming to the personality part of the story, 

The main reason was the energy I had and if I met another me it would just clash, it doesn't mean there will be friction but it means it will overlap and it would lessen the scope of development which could had been different If it was someone who was not like me. 

Sometimes it give courage and positivity bit most of time thoughts get pressed down because you would not want to displease them and somehow when being in company of similar personality it can cause more awkwardness and lots of desires or actions which might be suppressed just to appear pleasing or being nice. 

I don't know If I had put everything out here but It should do it, I am confessing because I working on myself, and I can see where was all of this in me, It might still be there but I am now okay with it.

I may have this conversation again if I made any new discovery so yeah that's that.

Adios 

Brianil 

A living moment, ain't that.