Chapter 3 : When briyani almost became khichdi.

Be honest

You have all seen the movie or are at least familiar with characters of "khichdi the movie". 

If you are somehow living under a igloo 😜 Google it, it's .. I don't know but it was funny at the time it was released. 

In term of ingredients khichdi and briyani almost belongs to same category of dish rice and spice. I know whether you are agree or disagree, this is from my perspective. You and I are different right just take it and if you still have opinions comments is going to be blank anyway fill it up. 

Back to rice and spice. Well today's chapter is about the instances where the person who is writing this might had become completely different from you know or this text might not even exist if somewhere someone in a different plane took that step( you know the parallel dimension concept). 

I will jot down whatever comes to mind but before that I need to provide you with context. This should be the period before COVID and after jio started giving free internet. For mass public including me there were only 2 gender and one transgender and some people with different biological wants or need. 

Hey chill let me complete...

If you termed be bookhead I think it will be right to pin that on me ( for that period). I didn't know of any other knowledge which society has to offer or our education system should had, I was just someone with the knowledge from the books and whatever hearsays I have heard. And yes I suppose my friends were like that too or they just never talked about other things. 

So I think by the time I knew about if lbgtq++ people or group I had already met them. 

No, nothing crazy happened, the only thing crazy to termed should be I started questioning myself. 😂😅

Their is always a curious mind right. I somehow had the curious calling to if am one of them or not. It's not easy to put this all down you know. 

It's embarassing and somewhat awkward if someone from my family read this, but as If I care when I am already writing this down. Just kidding, I think they will surely question what they were doing when I having these thoughts but it's a different matter and i was not even living with them at that time. I was in Gujarat. So you know how one get a freedom to search for these questions. 

And there is nothing wrong with it, at least that's what I feel neither i was that crazy type of person who does thing first think about consequences later. So I had my way of discovering if I was a part of queer group. 

 I went through the data I prepared whom I felt attracted to or not and if I even feel attracted to anyone. 

Disclaimer I still don't know much about this mathematics of gender and I am trying to use gentle words and I do respect everyone but it's confusing right so I haven't learnt much about this topic but I do know they are human as me and that's all it matters. And if they are specific about their pronouns I can always use their name 😂 or they will tell what to use. 

I know it's kinda awkward in mind to forget pronouns and replace it with noun but it would be a funny exercise. 

Back to my study about myself.

So I knew I would be one of these option below if I was one the queers.

Asexual or binary something.... Hey I know what I know and I ain't doing a research project to write and research these definitions, I am just jotting down my stories, so back to study..

A) Asexual 

B) Bisexual 

C) Pan

D) Demi 

E) outside of spectrum..

Well I am a straight man so that's sorted first. I simply saw content around those words and I was conflicted about the asexual part. 

Its quite a complicated to say, and you can even say I crossed a thin line from asexual to straight. 

So if you don't know just Google these terms I ain't Wikipedia. And even though I don't care about what I write but I still don't want to put information which I might not even be correct about and people generally take the information they receive from the people they know or sometimes whatever they heard or read as true or part of truth. Which is quite a bad habit. 

I am struggling with it and I take everything with a pinch of salt and sometimes I Google and sometimes I let them be and forget whatever I heard or read from my mind unless I confirm it. 

A funny and a sad story:

ISIS was quite active in the news and there were people getting reported for joking ISIS. It was quite crazy at that time. 

I didn't know about them so I was gonna research what they are how they formed their group and my  Lil brother saw me typing ISIS. Guess what happened. 

He reported to parents that I am joining ISIS and instantly I think I was getting scolded for searching about them or something else... 

I mean that's funny to remember but sad too. I felt bad because how can ...

I don't know Its bad right. I will leave it there. I still have some bottle unopened I guess. Lets hide it for the hypocrisy of living in a society. It's not that big but these acute instance becomes chronic over the time and I feel it's not good. 

Maybe when I have resolved my other issues I will open this up and try and sort that out. 

So khichdi instance 2:

Apart from gender, what's the next thing a person can question about themselves in freedom. 

It's belief and religion. I means that's what I did. 

So it's crazy but acute too.

Just a weekend it took to sort it out. 

It's crazy to think now, what not I could have done for research when you are alone. 

Just to state my present situation I am more inclined towards atheism and somewhat spell Hanuman chalisa whenever I am afraid so not sure but I am not really a worshiper I guess. 

Back to the research project find religion or belief 

I had two options

One to search about Jainism and another was to church...

Hey it's not that I didn't pick other options but the were available at the time to talk about and It was not really Jainism I was looking for, I was looking for a belief where there are values which can guide people how to live or something. 

Now writing it down, I feel I should had tried Bhagwat gita first but I guess I thought it was quite heavy book let's just change belief 😂. 

So I searched for a church first and I got a small Bible for free and it was Sunday so church was closed but still it was awkward to term them "father " I just used the word "sir". 

And after coming back I tried reading it but I just slept and never read it. Oh I donated the Bible to the library with some other books I had collected. I had joined a ngo around that time share a book india. 

Its a quite good concept still alive. 

You can check them in Instagram. 

They have a branch in Delhi rest I am unclear. Their goal at the time was to build libraries in school where there were none.. or around that. 

Go check them out, coming back so after that day I knew church was not for me.

For Jainism I had contacts with people so I just messaged them I got in contact with another person. I guess he what phase I was going through so he just sent me a lot of data or information and I chickened out from all those stuff lol. So I went back to what I was and quit my research 😂. 

Even in those parallel universe the versions of me would at most extreme go with the nature but idol or person worshiping is not fit for me. 

Well that's up for this khichdi I know it doesn't seems to match title but ...

I like the title so it's gonna stay.

Adios 

Signing off 

Brianil