chapter 4: Friends for benefit

Its not with but for.

I have realised I was selfish. I mean maybe still i am but it's was not to a degree to feel bad about that.

Let's discuss this.

Well more like my monologue time and yours reading or scrolling. You know you can just type BORING and I will try to contact musk for collaboration by showcasing my comment section. 

So what does word friend means to me and what benefits do you bring me to call you guys my friends for benefit. 

Well let's start how I made my first ever concious friend. 

I should be very small but big enough to remember I made a neighbour my friend just because he was able to raw bitter guard. Too cool right. I was blinded by that smile after he trimuphed over the raw bitter guard. He did have a bad habit of eating soya chunks raw which I formally inherited and dropped after sometime. 

But according to my memory logs he was my first ever friend. 

Wait... So there Is one guy I met, he is the one who remembered me but I knew I had met him before but had no recollection. So it is like he fills a memory which I don't remember quite coherently. 

So he should be the first ever friend but I gave benefit of doubt to my bitter friend*.

Not gonna lie I do have this habit of weird naming convention. 

This might not be the case now but I used to have a habit of associating actions or events with names to remember more about the people I know or later be my friend. 

Example if I met you once in my life and had a pretty wild adventure with you so you will be taking a quite a space in mind ... Because you became someone with a name and association from a random guy. 

What a privilege dude 😎. 

Hey I won't put disc saying this is joke or not just judge for yourself. 

Coming back to definition first: 

Someone whom I know and know their birthday date and have shared a secret knowingly or unknowingly in a conversation. 

So If I consider you a safe space you are my friend and for the benefits parts its quite tricky.

Let's tackle that too.

So I believe there is a thin line between curiousity and jealousy:-

And I sometimes could be seen sitting in between the bridge but it's very rare. 

I will explore jealousy some other time but for today will only touch from the pov of curiosity. By the way does F.O.M.O comes under jealousy. What do you guys think?

🤔

My friends from early school life or elementary school life were quite high. Because whole class and other sections were quite innocent and talkative. It's not that there were not troublemakers but they were less and I had lots of friends. 

My school changed and it was the period of hell and born of something not good but did gave me confidence was I belong to someone who is high in intelligence bracket belief. 

There are potentially 3 reasons for that. 

1. My earlier school were quite competitive and the guy leading there scored in 90s while I was somewhere in 70's.

2. Maybe the class I entered was in avg dumb. It's not that they were not talented just dumb or lazy in books. 

3. I drank a exilir that dropped from the sky accidentally while playing. 

So the dynamics changed here,

I became a student whom teacher give their focus and and that student who loves to be good in everything only studies. That student who completes the math homework before teacher even recahes the chapter. That student who meticulously work on every project teacher gave so that no marks were missed but not that student who cries after scoring 93 ... because I never got them.

So I knew I was never a bright mind just better than the present. 

My competition was from another section student itself. 

Part of the reason I chose this school was the guy in the other section aka my neighbour from diagonal axis. 

But school was not having that or more like that section dropped me in section a so who knows. 

So I took my precious time in lunch and ran to section b to meet my friend and he was absent that very day. 

Bad luck right.

They were a group of 4- then 5-6 it's confusing I was a outsider and I really tried hard to join their group but I was mismatch you know the thing you don't know if it should be put in snacks or healthy food option and in end it goes nowhere... I was that. Or still am.

Now that I think about this I was never someone who initiated a group ever,I always freelanced my way into people's group and see if I can survive there. It happened quite aggressively in btech but it did happen now I feel sorry for myself. I should had changed my approach in having friends. 

.so I am someone who will always look something good in you even if you are a piece of hitshit...

And I have a vauge threshold for someone who I can be in company and whom I never can't or never should. That's pretty much an internal method, you know the vibe stuff. Earlier when I didn't knew about vibe I used to take people words very seriously now I don't bypass the vibe.

You have all heard this saying right keep friends close, and enemy closer. But where will find enemy out of blue in this world when almost everyone is double face and that too conciously not like some chemical fall on to you like that to Bruce ex's lover or associate. 

Don't call me out if the facts are not right. But I know something around that happened. Sometimes it's better to write something or honestly blogs in sitting. 

I am pretty sure I do not have A.D.H.D or there is but in quite minutes of events and it happens mostly when I am writing. 

This blog should had been about what are the benefits I see in someone to reach them to be my friend. And what I had done is to skim around share some anecdotes and they are not even full encounters. 

So there is one experience I will share, in my pg during my btech time, I was new there and there was a washing machine installed there from long time. I thought it's should be for the use of students or why else they have placed it there. Still I asked someone who I consider a friend or sort of about that and he said they charges rupees per session of use. 

I thought it's the pg way of maintenance and also collecting money...

But after a very long time when I built this habit of washing clothes a junior asked why don't you use washing and I was surprised when he said there no charges ...

So whether it was a prank or just mis guidance or I don't know. But I was pissed . There is only two ways to resolve it, one to learn and ask the authorities questions yourself and another was to confront or just laugh it out. 

I chose to learn and be in denial with him. 

But I did learn a small concept there, not everyone wants to be a friend or in general a nice guy. 

Vibe check is a resource which is quite an 

Unconscious parameter, So I have sorted a new mechanism. 

Observation before initiating a conversation. Like cia does a check if you are worthy to be a agent .

The sop I have contains some hypothetical musings and if the potential candidate pass 90% of it they are pretty good person to be a friend with. 

I have not utilised it because I stopped making connections or looking for friend.

I think I have enough and unless something major happens i am content with people I know. 

But I think I will need that sop sorted and checked, and let it go through trials to use ab able to use it. It might be handy in professional career. 

So I might as well just work on that. 

Off you go 

I have some work to do 

Adios 

Alt text: He is someone who inspires me a lot. I know up above whatever you read is chaos. But that's just how it felt to me and I presented it to you as gracefully as I can.

Back again he is the best person.