a week of weekly chapters

Howdy 

Is a judge as well, 

There 4 topics which I left unexplored in my previous blogs! Today let's uncover all or some of them. 

Let's look into the relationship with words and me.

I should still be a pretty curious kid by nature bit earlier I was just as enthusiastic as someone preparing for spelling bee but casually.

I just loved learning and use them in sentence. The craziness started from reading books of other classes or school or other grades student, so that i can read more stories. Next upgrade came when we were introduced to Sanskrit, and i felt i was quite good student. 
but this went only for 2-3 years because after that neither the teacher nor the class was interested in learning and without motivation my passion to learn Sanskrit also dropped quite low.

During these years only i got introduced to German. The first 3-4 words i tried learning were name of animals which could be used to abuse someone. I had this issue because i never like verbal attack although its peaceful but its not healthy for the mind and you can't just take beating orally too. So i always looked up words or sentences to fight back and as well as keep my morals up.

its not just about the morals, just the normal structure of these abuses is weird and wrong for me. 
We as a human learnt to develop with time. So why are we Indians still attached to those words for verbal rage. So i just disliked the culture on a deeper level, but rage need to be distilled. I looked for words which wont cross my morals but also help me thoroughly convey my raze.

I don't need to give examples, none of that worked, because they didn't understand them, it was not even a dent of impression maybe slight unpleasant, as i was just insulting their knowledge with the insult itself, but those words were my internal monologue to cover up my embarrassment.

So there was this thing too, when i heard Justin Bieber song for the first time and heard he was self made pop star, i felt he is inspiring at that time, but the general air around him was opposing. i never expressed my likes for his songs openly because i felt people will compare me to him. More so with loving Disney channels, well after barbie most people can this now, but i liked the songs when i was kid. It is also true that i have low benchmark for the quality of good so you see me liking me almost everything. 
Also i don't know when my horror for pink got broken but as kid i was always seen using this sentence for colours: any colour except pink. 
now its any colour but not in abundance.

Coming back to verbal rage, i started creating my own words for raging out, i tried no., amalgations of different origin of speeches, lots of nouns and i got tired. I learned another technique "deafen".

pretty easy right. 

Right now i am investing my time in spanish and german. Reasoning was simple, i picked the no. people speaking this language and my chances of encountering them also how fast i can pick them up.

Right now i am having trouble with spanish because of the two apps i am learning from both have different words, So i might drop spanish for a while but German on the hand is quite a monotone type lang. or my impression of it is monotone. My first pick was german too only because i hade spent some time in it during schooling. 

I tried russian, turkish and Norwegian and last one was bit familiar to german, rest both were bit tough. 
Japanese, korean and mandarin, they are most likey the languages i would never touch. 

  

The trouble with girls:

I think for the present me, if i have a topic or question to ask, i can ask or talk to anyone. But if i am in surrounding with anyone and there is no point of interests or discussion i might even be the awkward or the heavily invested in mobile or the invisible one. Well their is nothing wrong in it, but it could also be possible that if you were in that group and i had only known you online not in physical world, i might as well ghost you. It is subjected to the conversation we have in online world but majority of the people might get ghosted by me. 

so, If this is still the better version from the past you can assume how my past experience should be.
There is a but though, I needed a common ground to talk to anyone, and if there is a common ground like you were a student in my class and i am fine with anyone even if they were some idol or a god. With the common ground missing in present life, assuming or hypothetically creating one is possible but it can be  awkward if the assumption is on the wrong foot. So unless someone important or mesmerising i wont even take a initiative.

I feel i had put a bit of chunks here and there about this struggle so will just introduce to my something similar genre of struggle. When i am talking to someone in power or position, my voice somehow turns to a lower pitch, and once it was inaudible. This happened with my principal in school and polytechnic. 

Somehow i felt it was easy to talk with our earlier Hod in btech but not with other teachers. 

Even while being easy my tone and pitch going a meter down feels concerning to me. This is an involuntary action and i need to work on it, if you know something do let me know.

By the time you are reading this chapter, i might have already started this new project of mine. 
i call it, The gratitude day, i might change it or do something around that, but the concept is to gratitude towards the life, and gracefully accepting whatever is available to us and a email to remind ourselves that life is already this good, we just need to hold on.

if you want to be a part of this project, send me email at 
bishtbrianil@gmail.com. or any social media.
would love to hear back from you 
adios
Brianil.