Chapter 10: Sin : glutton

Have you all watched the anime : Seven deadly sins.

I watched it too for some time haven't followed up after season 3 I think. Where have you read about sins other than this?

I saw them in Re:zero another recommendation, and sin of gluttony or something a web novel or light novel in the universe of memorize. 

Well there are lots of manhwa adaptation too where plot is like the main character get this sin and the character is able to eat books to gain skill. This sin is sometimes associated with Beelzebub. A demon or demon king from hell. I haven't read the myths I the knowledge I have collected is from the books, comics, tv series or anime's. I can even carry on with all the reference I have ever seen but today ain't about that. 

I want to share about myself and how deeply associated this sin is with me. 

There are certain embarrassing moments which I don't even wanna recall but I will and try to jot them down or maybe few. 

What can world could do to you, when you are open and bla bla. You get it right, I am weird though. Well in term liking food to eating them. There is 0 barrier for me. If it's eatable then I might as well have it . 

Of course I ain't buying all those fancy caviars or pecking duck or avocados. 

I mean these three are the most talked in relation to pricing. I have not touched wine/alcohol industry ever so won't include them, also I might even stay away from them for life. 

I have no recollection of when does this love or lust for food started. I have read and heard this saying that a human body seeks shelter need food and avoid danger there is also part which ain't necessary to write and well not required right now, so skipped.

All of this might be genetic but I don't know about them and nor have i heard anything similar to this. It is also possible I might be overreacting but as I ain't employed and psychologist ain't cheap you all are my listeners and I am here to rant. 

So follow along please. 

My first realisation Hit whenever I was angry or disappointed at something in home , my mom will just give me something to eat and talk then and there ... The only thing I don't do is throw food or waste food, so it becomes a job to finish the food fast and stay angry or sort... 

So I felt I get trapped a lot there, it's awkward to talk about this but it happens and I am quite hopeless in sort of people I am familiar with or close with. 

If you are someone whom I can deeply trust you can even feed me anything... And I will stay ... 

Somehow eating food has become quite a personal space for me where I will be honest 1000%.  If there is a psychologist out there who can discover patterns or decision making they can do that just by seeing me eat in personal space or safe space. 

Its been hard in space where there were lots of people, if I know them or I don't the relationship I had with food is quite unsettling.  I won't openly come out but I just love it. There was another attribute of mine which was deeply rooted with food and it was frugalism.

You might have seen some videos of how a Singapore man is super frugal person on the world or related... 

I could had been that person given the circumstances were different or unique. 

My choices, understanding and solutions sometimes comes through the lens of frugalism. But today is about food. 

Let's put an example if I am following a pattern let's say limited calories consumption, and the methi paratha or roti is there... I think I won't be able to control myself as it's healthy and tasty. 

Forget the taste, my mind will just pick anything healthy over tasty any day, but now it's so high wired, it's not able to fixate a size. So this stomach of mine could consume 4000 calories on a good day without any hassle, although it's been a week and I have gained a control over this. I will discuss my whole weight loss journey once and it will be with all the stuff I did and how I was able to achieve it with the frugalism I have. 

My funny incidents are quite socially awkward when it comes to food. 

There is thing though, as I have understood this problem about me, now I can control it, and people can't really exploit me with food again. This could not be true for past though. 

Wherever I see bhandara, I think most of the time I would be seen in the line. 

Now look into cynicism of mine, I always felt eating free food is too risky, as you don't know what other person is going through, and in this new age the veil humans had over their negative counter part is rapidly diminishing. 

They are still bound by society, but who knows when they might break and decide to take people with them.

And even with this cynicism I was like what is worse knowing the risk and still die by eating or just going back to home without that food. 

And I always choose free food whenever I had time or else grapes are sour. 

But depression is somewhat even more dangerous than eating free food. Because I don't know I had depression or not but I was in a similar zone and I never liked to confront public so how could I even enjoy a line of people in front waiting for food. 

Even if sin of gluttony is dangerous, self doubt, body image issues, depression etc are more lethal. I can say my 2nd poison killed or suppressed my 1st, 

But I don't think these two are the only issue I have. I don't know them yet or haven't figured them out. If you are someone who knows something concerning about me please let know, be it public or in private, I would be very grateful.

I could had continued with the food fails adventure but it's not coming to mind and I don't think it's thats worth for you to read so will hung up now. 

See you later, bis später;

Adios

Brianil