Chapter 8, What's my dream, Goal, Passion and aspiration were?

 Bade hoke kya banna hai?
what do you want to be when you become older?

It was easy question  for me when i was a kid, but a tough luck to prove.

My family relatives were mostly in armies. So while growing up, i always aspired to be the part of that family. Go and defend while enjoying those benefits which comes together. The benefits were quite loft and aspirational. But did i really wanted to become join forces?

nah, I liked the profession of a guide and forest officer or ranger or someone like the guy "Man vs Wild". I dont know id if i was vocal about any of them, but i also felt they were difficult to achieve or i had never tried to achieve them because i felt only attracted to them but they were there for different reasons. For the guide, i think i watched fanna and love the personality of the first act played by Aamir, a knowledgeable guy, easy to talk to, and people love his company. Travel, enjoy food, and get free money, who wouldn't like that. 
For the forest ranger, the prefix was the reason well i could argue both. I was grown up from kid to adult if i am feeding the power rangers dino thunder to Rpm, super samurai. i can list at least 8-12 productions i might have watched. So this concept of rangers was a dream to a kid. 

When i was in gujarat, i went to visit mundka beach quite often, even when it was 65 -70 km away. Well it might be with the single digit but it was peaceful. everytime i saw sea it felt like cliche of hearing the sound of the void. It was too quite in that noise of waves. You can get lost in sea.  It was so peaceful that it felt dangerous. 

Coming back although wilderness does not call me similarly to sea, i find it soothing and could without no doubt live my life there. So this had been my base idea of life what I could had lived if in the world only by imagination you can choose the profession.  But life ain't hearing you and do what it say. You need to carve the .... Out of it until life recognise your efforts, appreciate you and then you go back to dreaming until someone knocks you down and you repeat the cycle. 

But I did no such thing, I just did what came up and tried something around it and due to that a lot of conflicts happened in my life and somewhere following a linear approach made me a lost human and I started diminishing my self worth. There is no need pity over such thing, it's life and it happens to everyone in one or other way, my life may have remain free of relationship struggle but that thing destroys some people. So people have their own troubles and mine was a quite common one which was background and things somehow went going on, learning how to say no and when to say yes has a lot of difference. 

And I am child of that, I was someone if you requested anything to me I will do it, and most of us are like that unless you were well learned with life or ignorant or your life choice, and although it does not overall affects much but it sure is overload, and sometime a good answer is just a no and if neeeded a reason is good.

It's quite easy to navigate life if this is achieved earlier in life and with some courtesy you can become gentle person. 

So in context to title my passion was learning, just knowing everything and aspiration was to become someone who is known for knowing everything, as grand as this aspiration was whether I had the ability to achieve it or not, I had the confidence. But it broke somehow during growing up and studying diploma. 

I saw too many changes in a person life, and its hard to go through all that but it's a path of life. The road I took was a prescribed one which I never saw the end and always quit before I could withstand it, but right now I am taking a first step back and coming back to the road I was in previously and maybe start my career there. 

My current passion in life is still learning but in a dilution. I like to write now a days, read often and enjoy playing chess. Oh I do prefer cooking too. My passion might be less focused it is what it is right now. 

My aspiration is to become someone who is living a good life , inspiring someone, and mentoring someone, stay fit even when I am old. 

My goal is also dubious but they are solid for now, shorter goal get a job ( tech is goood), do what is making a whole person evolve daily or on an exponentially positive scale. 

Mod term goal is to stay true to myself and distribute my time to empower myself so that I never regret anything back. 

Long goal is simple be free of economics and do whatever I want and still stay healthy. 

That's my time 

Hopefully you have figured your s... Out. And all the best if not, 

Adios.