chapter 25: paradox

 Should i be friend with people who do things i wont ever do in my life?

From my childhood till now, i have received this advice from people, don't surround yourself with people whom you dont wanna be or who has some negative habits.

Now there was a time when i was around people who were somehow dubious or really comes under bad influence, i don't know what mindset i had at that time that i was following that company, Even now i get goosebumps thinking what was i doing at the time.

There was another instance too where peer influence was just too toxic, And this is all happening around when i was just 18-19. One good thing that can be said is my ground never got tilt, i stay rooted to my beliefs and values and overcome the temptation of curiosities or peer pressure. I have cried in school when some pressured me to do things which i don't want to do and when everyone forces you i get the zeal like this can't happen over me now. I always had and will forever have my back. I don't expect for people to have my back and i dont mind people backing me and i appreciate it very much.

Back to topic, I am now going to put ruthlessness into my personal space, it may not be a good decision but in this way at least i can control my life and move toward a goal with less distractions and impression. There are still people whom i am knew earlier as a good human but they do have habits which i don't find cool. 

The only paradox i have is i can't envision myself isolating from the people just because of their habits, But mind is telling me its the best way to move forward and built a character of mine. 

You may have read stories where the character is described first and then the story moves dues to protagonist characteristics and its influence in their choices, i want to achieve that.

But world can't really allow all this while i am enjoying life right? they will send troubles together with the people i wish to meet, Sometimes they are trouble themselves. I wish a pretty easy yes and no life, but life is just too grey, i have seen extremes of blacks, and i am also familiar with extreme whites, mean while most of the world lives the grey life, I am part of grey too, and i wish nothing more from any end.

this blog started with paradox, the dilemma of choices and your character, here mine. What you have read above is my my brain spasm acting on its own with me directing words which may or may not have any significance.

I have heard this saying, believe or own what you suggest to others, i live by that philosophy or at least try to- This paradox is also something similar in a way, i am directing my brain to do stuff and while my brain is having orgasm on its own and finding joy in whatever is happening around. 

I believe its a part of progress for the upcoming journey while i can see whats happening in front of me or by me is not the truth i want to live in, i want to do it more than just saying it, but it is a long war, It took a long time to wake up from hibernation, i am trying my best to survive each day, It has been 27 days since i started journaling a part of my life, i wish to account myself for whole day and i wish. Nothing but paradox.

Adios

Brianil

that person was curious I guess ?