Chapter 31: latent emotions

Latent heat is the term which I don't understand the meaning now but it was used in thermodynamics a lot and, I suppose it's meaning is related to heat hidden inside the component or the thing. 

Similarly I am today here with the similar type of thing but it's my body and heat is my emotions. 

I have faced situations where I want to confront someone about their descion or choice or opinion or statement but I can't and sometimes don't do it because of our relationship, age gap and sometimes situation could escalate in any direction and sometimes I can't face the truth or I can't bear whats gonna come next. 

Somehow it's easy to confront this in a professional environment as it is sometimes required to put out as to make the work life balance coherent in that place, but in a personal space of around family your voice does not have that much effect. 

What's most disturbing is that 75% of time I don't confront because I have lost the trust or the credibility that I had earlier. 

Because I took so much time to work on myself I somehow had made this situation more troublesome. 

It's easy to say and think and confront ourselves for our cowardly behaviour but everything has a price and if done recklessly who knows how situations may escalate. There are all type of people in one household, and you can never know them better atleast I don't know them yet, I still get surprised by some of the descions they take, or how they approach a problem. My lack of efforts also might be the reason they behave like that in front of me, and the reason I don't want to mend my relationship is simple truth, I can't give them chance. It is just rooted deeply in there and even after confronting without caring for consequences the result is same nothing changed. 

I won't say I am purely good, I am gray but on a brighter side and for worse I won't ever back down on my values but I hardly believe same applies for someone, and it may be right or not to have that thought process but it just don't align in day to day and it's just another level in toxicity grade of mine. 

There are some terms like Gaslighting, unkind or racist etc... I think i am just unable to bear that much in one place where even though I lost my chances to prove myself and lost credibility to voice my opinion... I just suffer a little and although it's has gone better as I just skip the person and only comment when it's just too excessive.

It is just hard to exist like that, 

I just wanted to rant and I did so thank you for Tuning in.

And now I dump them here with words.